And here we are again at the end of 2019. Another year gone and a new one ahead. In fact, an entire new decade ahead. Normally, I would take this time to write about everything I learned in 2019 and profusely apologize for not keeping up in posting here – to which I say the amount of drafts I never hit publish on this year is immense, but let sleeping dogs lie.
This year, though, I have decided to write what I learned from the past 10 years and what I hope I can take into 2020 (and maybe they are some things you can take with you too). Less reflection, if you will, and more of a looking forward. You don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. You take what you learned. The things that changed you and you continue to apply those things to your life.
We Can Breathe Again.
I want to keep learning to move forward. To leave what happened in the past behind. Never looking back because what was once is no longer. The memories will be bittersweet. But living free of that weight is worth it.
God is Madly in Love with You.
He isn’t what I thought. He doesn’t expect me to be “good.” To live up to a standard that I’ve created in my head so that He’ll want me. It’s okay that I’m broken and messed up. It’s okay that I ask Him the hard questions; it’s okay that I’m raw. Because somehow through all of that He is madly in love with me (and with you). Beautiful, yet terrible. Gracious and compassionate. May He keep me steady here and display the fulfillment of His heart for me.
Seventeen Forever.
Ten years ago, I was about to cross from 17 to 18. So wide-eyed and full of wonder. I wanted to go to school to become a writer…or a music producer…or this…or that. So many dreams with so little time. Everything was planned out so perfectly. And then…little by little the wonder ceased and “adulting” happened – the plan wasn’t perfect – and life started to move at lightning speed. 17, 18, 19, 20…and now I sit at 27 on the cusp of 28 and I’m only just remembering the wide-eyed, wonder that helped give sense to life. So I’ll turn 28, 29, then 30 but I pray my eyes stay wide and the wonder that fills my heart remains.
This is probably one of the most compelling things I’ll take with me:
Higher. Further. Faster.
Because in everything I set out to do, I don’t have to prove myself in order to be accepted.
Don’t Shrink Yourself to Make Others Feel Comfortable.
I’ll admit, I still haven’t fully learned this. It’s easy to dumb yourself down in order to make everyone around you feel comfortable. To not be as quick on the uptake because you don’t want to people to think you’re competing with them. To know less so you stay on the same level as everyone else. Someone told me “you tried to act dumb, but I saw right through that. Can you just be intelligent, please?” My initial response was something along the lines of “but I don’t want to intimidate anyone.” Their response “You can’t hide being smart.” For me, I’ve always been adaptable, able to read situations, find out information quickly…look, I want to be a real-life Nancy Drew (the book version, not the lame TV version)…but in the midst of all that I don’t really like being noticed or on display. So it’s been easier to shrink back so that I stay comfortable, as do those around me. Well, I guess sometimes comfortable isn’t the answer. I’m still working on that. Hopefully, I’ll be brave enough one day to learn this well.
I don’t think there’s enough characters to continue on this journey, but I hope that what I have shared you can take with you into your new year and somehow apply it to your own life, to what you’re going through, and maybe it will help.
I’ve learned a lot. And I’ve missed a lot. I’ve gained a lot. And I’ve lost a lot. The circle of life, if you will. At the start of this age, it still remains true that I hope we all live life well. This is our one shot, one chance…to give grace to those around us, to listen to the stories of the people we meet, to love strong even if we may not be loved in return, to cut through the noise that so bombards the world we live.
May we step over to the other side with less opinion, more listening, great confidence, and unwavering compassion.
A new day dawns.
Love strong and live well,
Sarah
The Ruminative Thoughts of a Writer 